


Darkness

by Blackghost7



Category: NCIS
Genre: First Time, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:13:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3660210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackghost7/pseuds/Blackghost7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has taken a long time to become what he was always supposed to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darkness

Gibbs was on his back, panting heavily as he started to come down from the overwhelming release that had exploded through his body a minute earlier. His eyes were closed and he was rubbing his hands over his face, trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened. The duvet moved as the one who had given him such pleasure crawled back up his body, pressing kisses to Gibbs’ chest on the way up, until the head appeared from under the duvet and those lips claimed his. Gibbs lost himself in it for a few moments, then pulled back and opened his eyes to stare up into twinkling green orbs.  
   
“Tony? What the hell?”  
   
“You taste great, Gibbs.”  
   
Tony tried to kiss him again, but Gibbs turned his head away. Undeterred, Tony latched his lips onto Gibbs’ neck instead, tonguing the pulsing vein and sucking on it, and Gibbs couldn’t hold back a moan of delight at the feeling of those lips on one of his most sensitive spots. Tony’s hands caressed Gibbs’ chest, fingers running through his chest hair, and he could feel Tony’s arousal pressing against him. Gibbs’ mind was racing even as his body was squirming with pleasure under Tony’s touch. What the hell had happened? Had he invited Tony into his bed? No, that wasn’t right. This wasn’t his bed. Motel. Case. Having to stay over. Sharing a room with Tony. Now he remembered. But that still didn’t explain why Tony was passionately kissing him again, and why he had just spilled himself down Tony’s throat, and why Tony was bucking up against him to gain friction against his arousal, moaning softly with every movement. Tony reached for one of Gibbs’ hands and guided it down, placing it on Tony’s ass. In between kisses, Tony murmured softly into Gibbs’ ear.  
   
“Touch me, Gibbs. I want you to take me.”  
   
Gibbs shivered at the desire that clearly sounded in Tony’s voice, and his hand kneaded Tony’s ass of its own volition, his arousal stirring again at Tony’s passionate plea. When Tony placed a soft bite at the juncture of Gibbs’ neck and shoulder, Gibbs bucked up and growled in pleasure. His other hand came up to tangle in Tony’s hair, then he turned Tony’s head to face him and took Tony’s lips in a deep desirous kiss. Tony’s fingers brushed down over Gibbs’ chest and stomach and curled around his growing arousal, stroking it into full hardness while the kiss continued. Then he spoke huskily.  
   
“Please, Gibbs… please, I want you.”  
   
Gibbs growled with desire and quickly flipped their positions, pinning Tony under him on his stomach, covering the younger man’s body with his own. Latching his lips to Tony’s neck from behind, Gibbs made him groan with pleasure. Looking around, Gibbs saw a small bottle of lotion on the bedside table and grabbed it, using it as lube when he pressed two fingers into Tony, making the younger man squirm and pant. Pulling at Tony’s hip to get him to position himself onto his hands and knees, Gibbs kept moving his fingers inside of Tony, drawing low moans from Tony’s throat with every move. It was fast and none too gentle, and Gibbs could only hope that it had been enough, because he couldn’t hold back anymore. Removing his fingers, he lined up and slid home in one long, slow thrust. Tony hung his head, moaning in pleasure when Gibbs entered him, thrusting back against the older man with every snap of Gibbs’ hips. Excitement building exponentially with every move, Tony panted and groaned and pleaded, and when Gibbs pulled Tony up so the younger man’s back pressed against his chest and wrapped his hand around Tony’s arousal, stroking it firmly while continuing to thrust, Tony simply fell apart. He had no idea how long it lasted or what sounds he made, all he knew was that he was coming long and hard, and Gibbs was still inside of him, thrusting deeply, and then Gibbs bit down on his neck again and Tony clenched and Gibbs spilled into him with a heartfelt grunt of pleasure. Then the world went grey and they collapsed.  
   
Tony came to several minutes later, still struggling to calm down after the best sex he’d ever had, and reached for Gibbs. But this time, Gibbs really did pull away and got out of bed, pulling on a pair of shorts. Surprised and a little hurt, Tony stared up at him.  
   
“Gibbs?”  
   
The blue eyes that focused on him made him shudder, but not in a good way. He saw anger in them, and disgust. Then they were intentionally blanked, just staring fiercely at him. The voice that reached his ears was harsh and definite.  
   
“This will not happen again.”  
   
Tony stared after Gibbs as the older man turned and disappeared into the bathroom, taking a deep, ragged breath when the door had closed behind him. For a moment he thought he would start hyperventilating, feeling his chest constrict, but then he made a conscious effort to relax his throat and breathe normally, suppressing anything that even remotely reminded him of feelings. If Gibbs could switch off his emotions just like that, passionate sex one minute and dismissing him the next, then so could Tony. Taking a few more deep breaths to steady himself, Tony got up and started collecting his things, packing his bag, laying out the clothes he would wear that day and waiting for Gibbs to get out of the bathroom so Tony could use it and get dressed. He carefully ignored any feelings that tried to get his attention, and forced himself to take the first steps in the long and fruitless process of making himself forget what had happened.  
   
In the bathroom, Gibbs was quietly beating himself up, furious with himself. How could he have been that stupid? How could he have forgotten himself in this way? How could he have lost control like that? It was inexcusable, using Tony like that, even if the younger man had been the one to start it. Gibbs was supposed to be the wiser one here, the responsible one, the one in control. How could he have lost it like that with Tony of all people? Tony, who he needed to nurture and protect and support. Tony, who he needed to teach and help grow. Tony, who made him proud and who deserved his respect. Tony, the one he’d chosen. Gibbs sighed deeply. He’d chosen Tony, alright, with both his head and his heart. His head had chosen Tony because it had seen the brilliance in the younger man, the potential to become a great Agent and a great man, and he’d wanted to be the one who helped get Tony there, where he deserved to be. His heart had chosen Tony, because… simply because. But he had soon realized that he had to leave his heart out of it if he wanted Tony to succeed. For Tony to become the man he was supposed to be, Gibbs couldn’t let the younger man be muddied and soiled by Gibbs and his issues, and so Gibbs had stayed away from anything personal, only to grossly cross that line as soon as Tony’s lips touched his, shattering his control. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Gibbs was angry and disgusted with himself, infuriated that he’d let himself go like that, and could only hope that he hadn’t screwed up everything he’d been working for, everything he wanted for Tony, by this one act of brainlessness. He needed to ignore what had happened, bury it deep in his soul, and keep a lock on his heart from now on.  
   
When Gibbs at last came out of the bathroom and Tony passed him to go in, they carefully avoided each other’s gaze.  
   
When Tony came out, dressed and ready, Gibbs led the way to the car without a word.  
   
When they arrived back at the office, both men had their masks and shields back in place, and they would do whatever was needed to keep them up, no matter how much it hurt.  
   
   
Years passed, and Gibbs watched Tony become the man he had known Tony could be, and every time Tony made him proud, Gibbs told himself he’d made the right decision way back then, even if his heart occasionally twinged with a pang of loss. He watched Tony move on to conquests younger, prettier and female, and told himself that was how it should be. He watched Tony tie himself in knots to become whatever other people wanted him to be, and wanted to shake him and yell at him and tell him not to do that because Tony was perfect as he was, but he held back and let Tony try to figure that out by himself. He watched Tony lose his way and his confidence, and gently tried to guide him back, feeling proud when Tony only came out of it stronger. He watched Tony grow and thrive, but he never saw Tony truly happy. He watched Tony, and one day, he saw Tony watching him.  
   
   
Tony smiled to himself when he saw Gibbs notice it. Yeah, Gibbs, it’s time. The memory of that one morning all those years ago had been playing through Tony’s mind more and more lately, and at first it had hurt, but that had faded the more Tony started thinking about it, really thinking about it. He hadn’t ever allowed himself to do that before, needing to keep it hidden behind his masks, but he was older now, more stable, more secure, and things that had rattled him in his younger years no longer affected him like that. Over the years, Tony had learned more about Gibbs than he ever would have thought possible, and the picture had become clearer with every little fact he discovered about the man.  
   
He saw that Gibbs came across as the strong, unflappable leader in every situation he found himself in, but had learned by now that the man had his insecurities and doubts just like everyone else, Gibbs was just better at hiding them. He knew by now that Gibbs was still plagued by things in his past, and that they affected the way Gibbs saw himself, that while everyone knew he was a good and honorable man, Gibbs thought these things tainted him and he tried to keep them away from the ones he cared for. He saw how Gibbs encouraged and nurtured his team, how he wanted them to grow and be better, be better than Gibbs, because Gibbs didn’t think of himself as being good. And he saw how Gibbs nurtured none more than Tony. Looking back to that morning in the motel with the knowledge Tony had now, Tony clearly saw what had actually happened there. And now the time had come to end Gibbs’ pain, and his own in the process, even though neither one of them would ever acknowledge that pain, not even to themselves. But Tony had learned that you could only ignore something this important, something that was part of who you were and who you were supposed to be, for so long, and he felt in his soul that it was time, that they were ready, to finally become complete.  
   
   
When Tony showed up at his house with pizza and beer one Saturday evening and announced that they were going to watch a game together, Gibbs was faintly amused at the forthright statement, and decided to indulge the younger man. The game was actually a good one, and they cheered and commented at the screen, clinking fresh beers together now and then, and Gibbs offered Tony the guest room when it had become late, which Tony accepted. In the morning, Tony bounced down the stairs to find Gibbs in the kitchen making coffee, and Tony fixed them breakfast. They talked a little while they ate, and when their plates were empty, they lounged around a little longer with a fresh cup of coffee. After he had cleared the table and collected his things, Tony leaned down and placed a kiss on Gibbs’ cheek before saying goodbye and leaving, smiling to himself at the stunned look on Gibbs’ face.  
   
A couple of days later Tony showed up again, this time with a movie and a DVD player, setting up the machine quickly and coaxing Gibbs to the couch to watch it with him. Gibbs found he actually enjoyed the movie, chuckling a few times at some of the jokes. Tony made sure he touched Gibbs every now and then, a hand on Gibbs’ arm to call his attention to something, a touch to Gibbs’ knee when he leaned over to pour them both another helping of bourbon. Gibbs allowed the touches without comment, raising an eyebrow the first time, but Tony just smiled at him and turned his attention back to the television. When it was time to leave, Tony grabbed his things but left the DVD player, and when Gibbs asked him about it, Tony said it was a spare and he didn’t mind leaving it with Gibbs so they could watch another movie together sometime. When he leaned down to kiss Gibbs’ cheek to say goodbye, Gibbs automatically raised his head to allow it. Tony smiled until after he fell asleep.  
   
That Saturday, Tony asked Gibbs along to come look at a car he said he was thinking of buying, and while it became clear immediately that Tony wasn’t going to actually buy the car, they spent a couple of hours looking around the lot, discussing the features of various of the classics that were on display. When Tony dropped Gibbs home later that afternoon, thanking him for coming along, Gibbs gruffly offered Tony dinner. Smiling, Tony accepted and was treated to cowboy steaks and beer. All afternoon and during the evening, Tony kept up the innocent touches, taking Gibbs’ wrist to guide him to another car, touching Gibbs’ arm to point out something Tony had noticed, softly knocking their knees together while they sat side by side on the couch. Gibbs found himself getting used to it, actually liking it, but tried to hide his smile whenever Tony reached for him. Dragging out the evening until it was late enough, Gibbs again offered Tony the guest room, and Tony stayed. After breakfast the next morning, Tony kissed Gibbs’ cheek and said goodbye. Gibbs had a smile on his face the rest of the day.  
   
Later that week, when their shift ended and Gibbs released the team to enjoy a couple of hours of sunshine, Tony waited until the McGee and Bishop had left and then announced that he was in the mood to go to the gun range, asking Gibbs to join him. Amused, Gibbs accepted, and drove them over to the range. When they got out of the car and made their way to the range, Tony felt Gibbs’ hand on the small of his back, guiding him, and smiled at the touch. They spent a pleasant hour honing their skills, Gibbs touching Tony to adjust his stance a little, Tony touching Gibbs to try to distract him while he fired. When they walked back to the car, close together, their hands brushed against each other a couple of times, and when it happened again, Tony’s index finger caught Gibbs’ and held it for a few steps. Reaching the car, Gibbs withdrew his hand, but brushed it over the back of Tony’s head before Tony moved to the passenger side of the car. Once they were on the road again, Tony told Gibbs about a nice little restaurant on the waterfront that he had recently discovered, and that it had a great terrace that would be very enjoyable in the sun. Gibbs nodded in answer to the unspoken question and drove them there, and they had dinner on the terrace in the sun. Afterwards, Gibbs dropped Tony off at his apartment, and Tony invited him in for a drink. After a moment’s hesitation, throwing a searching look at Tony’s face, Gibbs followed the younger man inside. Tony turned on the television with the sound down low and poured them each a drink, and they spent another hour just sitting there, talking some more, commenting on whatever was on the screen. When it was time to leave, Tony walked Gibbs to the door and kissed his cheek, and after a short waver, Gibbs placed a chaste kiss on Tony’s cheek in return. Saying he’d pick him up in the morning, Gibbs took his leave.  
   
On the drive home, Gibbs berated himself. He may not have seen it immediately, but he wasn’t so slow on the uptake that he didn’t realize what was happening by now. Tony was dating him. And Gibbs was letting him. With that kiss to Tony’s cheek, he had acknowledged and okayed it. He’d felt himself sink into a quagmire of emotions as soon as he had understood what Tony was doing, the touches and kisses, and had tried to remain stoic, thinking that it would stop if he didn’t acknowledge it, but he admitted he had lost the battle with himself. Tony wasn’t the sometimes insecure young man he had been all those years ago anymore, and Tony wouldn’t be deterred by Gibbs’ reluctance or reticence. Tony had become exactly what Gibbs had always seen he could be, strong, secure of himself, powerful in his own way. A force to be reckoned with. And apparently Tony had decided he was strong enough to withstand the darkness in Gibbs, had decided to take him on, determined to draw Gibbs out. It almost scared Gibbs that Tony was this confident, but on the other hand, it was a testament to Gibbs’ attempts to guide and support him all these years. Then another insight struck him, another difference compared to way back then. Something that settled and calmed him, and made him think that maybe it just might work between them now. Because this Tony, this strong and confident Tony, was something that he couldn’t have been back then. This Tony was his equal.  
   
   
Tony had been thinking of and discarding several ideas for his next date with Gibbs, but when Friday afternoon quitting time rolled around, he hadn’t decided yet. He figured he would decide tonight and make arrangements for Saturday, but after McGee and Bishop had left when Gibbs released them for the weekend, Gibbs stood in front of Tony's desk.  
   
“Want to come over for dinner tonight, Tony?”  
   
Looking up at Gibbs, Tony recognized in one glance that there was no need to think of something anymore. He stared into those blue eyes and saw it there. Gibbs had accepted. And so did Tony.  
   
“Yeah, I would love to. Your place in about an hour?”  
   
“See you then.”  
   
Tony went home and quickly showered and shaved, dressing in jeans and a tight shirt that showed off his chest and arms, and fixed his hair. Arriving at Gibbs’ place at the agreed time, he let himself in and found Gibbs in the back yard, firing up the grill on the porch, steaks and beers at the ready. Walking over to the man, Tony placed a kiss on Gibbs’ cheek in greeting. When he pulled back, Gibbs gently grabbed Tony’s neck with one hand and pulled him in again, kissing Tony softly on the lips. Tony stepped closer and, with a pleased smile, returned the kiss, deepening it after a while, letting their tongues play together, his hands on Gibbs’ hips. When the kiss broke, Gibbs smiled at him.  
   
“Hey, Tony.”  
   
“Hey, Jethro.”  
   
And again Gibbs was struck by the thought that Tony was now his equal. The younger Tony never would have contemplated calling him Jethro, unless with a mocking grin or a glint of humor. But this Tony let his name fall from his lips as if he had every right to call him that, and Gibbs realized that he did. Tony saw the approval in Gibbs’ eyes and smiled brightly at him, then released him to grab a beer, handing Gibbs one as well. While Gibbs grilled the steaks, Tony brought out plates and forks, and they sat on the porch in the evening sun, enjoying their beers and dinner. They were relaxed and unhurried, both knowing what would happen later, letting the anticipation build slowly to add to their gratification when they would finally take that step. When dinner was finished, they lounged outside until the sun went down, then cleared everything away and went inside. As a clear sign, Gibbs locked his front door, earning yet another smile from Tony. Then Tony took Gibbs’ hand in his, and led the older man up to his own bedroom.  
   
Tony slowly unbuttoned Gibbs’ shirt and threw it onto the chair in the corner, then ran his hands over Gibbs’ chest and arms, his fingers softly scratching through the silver hair on Gibbs’ chest. Gibbs held Tony’s hips to pull them close together, and then pulled Tony’s shirt out of his jeans, sliding his hands under it and up Tony’s chest, raising the shirt with his movements, then pulling it up to remove it, Tony raising his arms obligingly. Gibbs admired Tony’s bare chest with his hands and eyes, then leaned in for a kiss, their naked chests pressing together, hips touching. Tony caressed Gibbs’ back while he let his tongue dance in Gibbs’ mouth, slowly grinding his hips against his lover, letting him feel his arousal. Gibbs held Tony’s hips, then slid his fingers to his ass, kneading the cheeks and pulling Tony even closer. When Gibbs slid his fingers under Tony’s waistband, he smiled into the kiss to find no underwear in his way, and let his fingers grasp Tony’s ass in earnest, getting a delighted moan. At last Gibbs withdrew his fingers to bring them to Tony’s fly, popping the buttons and letting the jeans drop to the floor, helping Tony step out of them and his shoes and socks at the same time. Openly admiring Tony’s naked body and arousal, Gibbs licked his lips in anticipation.  
   
While Tony crawled onto the bed and sprawled in the middle of the mattress on his back, he watched Gibbs remove the last items of his own clothing, fastening his eyes on Gibbs’ impressive arousal when it was bared. Gibbs smiled at the open desire on Tony’s face, then joined him slowly on the bed, making his way up Tony’s body inch by inch, using his hands and mouth to worship the younger man, until at last Gibbs reached Tony’s lips again. Stretching out on top of his lover, Gibbs languidly devoured Tony’s lips, shivering with pleasure as Tony’s hands caressed his back and sides, sliding down to his ass and squeezing, pulling their hips closer together still. When their hardened flesh touched each other and slid together, both moaned in delight. They took their time exploring each other, until finally Tony held Gibbs’ face between his hands and stared into his eyes, whispering the same words he’d pleaded with all those years ago.  
   
“Touch me, Jethro. I want you to take me.”  
   
With a deep groan, Gibbs kissed Tony again, moving his hand down between Tony’s legs, stroking his fingers over Tony’s entrance. His head came up in surprise when he found Tony slick and ready, and Tony grinned up at him with sparkling eyes.  
   
“I hoped. Always be prepared, right?”  
   
With a deep, pleasured groan, Gibbs wasted no time wrapping Tony’s legs around his hips and sliding home. Tony was very tight and hot around him, and Gibbs worried for a moment that he should have loosened him first, but Tony adored the stretch and burn of Gibbs forcing him open, and the look of bliss on Tony’s face was enough to soothe Gibbs’ concern. Nevertheless, Gibbs held still to give Tony some time, and kept his first movements slow and careful, not wanting to hurt his lover. Tony pulled Gibbs down for an utterly debauched kiss, firing Gibbs’ nerves all over, and when Tony tightened the hold of his legs around Gibbs’ waist and pushed up against him, Gibbs’ control shattered. He thrust into Tony deep and hard, and knew he had found the right angle when Tony broke their kiss to let out a strangled cry of agonized delight. Gibbs took him relentlessly, pulling back and thrusting in harder and faster each time, then reached down a hand to stroke Tony’s arousal as well. Tony held on to Gibbs’ shoulders for dear life, digging in his fingernails, spurring Gibbs on even more, until he suddenly froze and tightened, a soundless scream wrenched from his throat as he poured himself out over Gibbs’ fingers. The sight and sensations of his lover beneath him were too much for Gibbs, and he followed Tony into oblivion.  
   
When they at last came down from whatever place they had been floating in together, Tony untangled his legs and rolled them onto their sides, holding Gibbs close, kissing him softly. Gibbs breathed deeply to take in the scent of his lover, wondering how he had survived all these years without this beautiful man in his arms. He felt regret, and Tony sensed it, pulling back a little to be able to look at Gibbs’ face. When he saw Gibbs’ expression, Tony shook his head, but Gibbs spoke first.  
   
“Tony, I…”  
   
“No, Jethro. No need to explain. I understand now why you did what you did back then, and you were right. Thank you.”  
   
At Gibbs’ amazed look, Tony grinned.  
   
“I wouldn’t have become who I am today if you had made a different decision back then. And I like who I am today. Besides, we both know that it wouldn’t have lasted back then. We both had too many issues, it wouldn’t have worked in the long run. But we know each other now, understand each other. And I’m ready.”  
   
Gibbs stared at him, searching Tony’s eyes, and saw it there again. Strength, power, honor. Equal.  
   
“I love you, Anthony.”  
   
Tony’s smile was soft and gentle, but all the more powerful for it.  
   
“I know, Jethro. I love you too.”  
   
And in the confidence that radiated from his lover’s eyes, Gibbs saw that Tony, this Tony, this beautiful man that he had watched come into being and maybe even had a hand in creating, was strong enough to face the darkness in Gibbs, and not only face it, but help battle and maybe even conquer it. Because if there was one thing that Tony had always been good at, it was bringing light into Gibbs’ life.  
   
   
 


End file.
